Bun in the Oven!

Alright, a lot of time has passed since my last post.

I just felt like I had nothing else to say, not just about my miscarriage but about me and my life entirely. I guess I just needed to focus on other things.

But I’m back now and I’ve got a bun in the oven! I’m 12 weeks today and so extremely thankful, happy and excited!

So my mom and sister came to visit for 2 weeks March 21-April 1st. Of course they knew that Nick and I were trying again…and might have heard us. Well, I mean we were having fun but it was that certain window of the month and sorry I’m not going to hold back a month just because family is here. We live in a small house, so well…things are bound to be heard.

Fast forward two weeks and it was the day to say goodbye to my mom and Kori. I thought, well I guess I’ll take a test. I mean it’s only the polite thing to do since they heard and knew we were trying. I wasn’t expecting a positive because I didn’t think I was ovulating. Apparently I don’t know my body that well because I was pregnant!

I ran back into our bedroom and told Nick. Then he grabbed the test and went to the guest room to wake Kori up and told/showed her. Then we went downstairs to wake my mom up. She thought it was a joke, April Fool’s Day and all. Nope, I wouldn’t joke about that anyways, especially given my miscarriage.

I saw my Dr. the next day and we did multiple blood tests for a week to make sure my levels were rising. And rising they were! Every third day my HcG levels pretty much tripled. I had slight spotting so she put me on extra progesterone twice a day for 6 weeks (until I was 10 weeks pregnant). It makes you dizzy, on top of the pregnancy symptom of nausea, so the first few weeks were rough. I was exhausted, still am, and just nauseous all.the.time. I haven’t thrown up yet.

I also went on a pre-planned cruise when I was 6 weeks pregnant. Cruise/boat movement+Dizzying progesterone+neasuea=not such a great time. The cruise was fun but I was ready to be back on land and happy to sleep on a non rock-hard bed. My hips were killing me on the cruise. I was thrilled to be back home – the next morning I had my first ultrasound! We, of course, saw the baby, but we heard and saw the heartbeat too!

pregnancy-annoucement

Above is my Facebook announcement I made at 9 weeks. Pretty much everyone that I am close to knew already at that point, but I couldn’t wait to ‘tell the world’!

I had another ultrasound at 11 weeks and was amazed how much the baby has grown! It looked more like a baby and less like a bean. Such an amazing miracle.

I’ve also opted to do the Nuchal Transparency ultrasound test for Down’s Syndrome, so I will see the baby once more on May 30th!

So far, I’ve been very tired but happily so. I’ve waited so long for this to happen, it feels surreal. I am just so so thankful for every moment, and every milestone that I have with this baby! Cheers to 12 weeks – non alcoholic cheers of course!

Mom - For the record, I didn’t ” hear you” 😉 I’m so very happy for you and Nick, and hell for me too!!!!

I love you so much and I love that you have started the journey to motherhood. I have question about the unchallenged testing, but not for your blog. Hugs

Shelly Cunningham - Oh, how I missed your posts! I was just thinking this morning that I was going to tell you to blog something! 🙂 So, thank you!
I am so happy for you that you are pregnant and baby is healthy. You deserve all the happiness in the WORLD!
I was nauseous, without ever throwing up, for 18 weeks with Wyatt. It was so miserable. I am so sorry! All I can say is that eventually it will end (I promise!) and that baby will SO be worth it! I didn’t think it would be possible that the baby would be worth it, but I have to admit, Wyatt’s pretty awesome.
😉
I miss you. I love you!
Shelly

Jessica - YAY!!

Back to Top

Heartbreak and Hope

Being a Mother is all I’ve ever wanted in my life. – to have morning sickness, the excitement of finding out the sex, having a swollen big belly full of life, and the inevitable pain of childbirth – to sleepless nights, moments of complete utter chaos and frustration, the firsts of everything – to raising a beautiful child in this crazy world from childhood and beyond.

I’ve been married since 2005. My twin sister had her first son in 2006, we have pretty much done everything else together. I had always thought I would get married and immediately start having babies. Nick had other plans. I feel like I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting for him to be ready. I really love him, and knew one day he would be ready. He finally is!! We started trying in July and were having fun (not really being super serious). In December I decided I couldn’t wait any longer and with my period tracking and research, we started to get serious about our baby-making.

On Friday January 24th, my dream came true with my first positive pregnancy test! Words cannot describe my feelings – I knew I was pregnant, even before I tested (early), and felt it. I felt my baby’s presence. I felt full and bursting with complete happiness.

I started bleeding the following Tuesday night and the Dr. confirmed on Thursday January 24th, that I had an early miscarriage. Before I could even say hello I had to say goodbye with a piece of my heart. I know it was only a few happy days but it hurt so bad deep down to my core. I’ve waited for this and want a family so very badly, and it was my first. Now it’s a forever what-if …. My heart is broken.

It’s been nearly a month now. I still wish I was pregnant. I still wish I could feel my baby’s presence but now I just feel empty. A shell. Someone had mentioned I would get mad at Nick. I’ve never been mad at him. I know this happens, especially as early as I was. I know this happens everyday. I know it’s not my fault, or Nick’s, or even God’s. I know it just happens. Knowing all this did not-does not ease my pain. I sobbed for my baby. I sobbed thinking can I even consider myself a Mother? When do you become a Mother? I conceived something because I felt it. I cried, sobbed and hurt until I had nothing left in me. My heart irreversibly broke and I am left as an empty shell. A childless maybe Mother.

Nick has been nothing but amazing and has been a pillar of support, strength and positivity for me. Even now, almost a month later, when the strong feelings have ebbed but I still have my moments of sadness, emptiness and doubt, he just hugs me. He hugs me until I feel I can stand and face the world again. Like I said I have my moments of doubt – that my one true hearts desire will never be fulfilled. I am so scared. I am going to be so scared with my next pregnancy. But even with my fears I cannot stop, and I will never give up. We won’t give up. We will keep trying.

A piece of our hearts will be forever broken for our first baby, but Nick and I are hopeful for our future.

“A star falls from the sky and into your hands.Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside your blood and becomes every part of you. And then you have to put it back into the sky. And it’s the most painful thing you’ll ever have to do and that you’ve ever done. But what’s yours is yours. Whether it’s up in the sky or here in your hands. And one day, it’ll fall from the sky and hit you in the head real hard and that time, you won’t have to put it back in the sky again.” ― C. JoyBell C

Shelly Cunningham - I am so sorry, Kari. Your heart was full, and now it is empty. But I truly believe it will be full again. I love you!!!

Back to Top

P52 – Week 1: Selfie

I am doing a photo challenge – one themed photo a week for this year.

I am really going to try to focus on how to use my camera, LightRoom/PhotoShop properly.

The first week was selfie. So not very exciting! Here is my selfie.

I get complimented most on my hair just because it’s long. The second physical thing I get complimented on is my eyes. Up until recently I never really liked my eye color. Brown is so boring and common. I don’t mind my brown hair though? I’ve always wanted blue or green eyes. And no way would I ever get colored contacts. I don’t need contacts in the first place so it seems dumb. Plus touching my eyeball, no thank you! I’ve noticed a change in my eyes…more hazel than absolute brown. It’s a good change for me!

Shelly Cunningham - Kari! I love this picture! Your eyes are stunning! I can’t wait to see your pictures each week!

Back to Top

My workout plan

—-> Workouts start with 60 seconds rest between sets, dropping 10 seconds each week

—-> Your 10×10’s should be half of your 1 set / 10 rep max. weight.

MONDAY:

  • 20 Minutes Interval Cardio (Running)

Dumbbell Bench Press – 10 sets /10 reps

Pec Fly – 3 sets / 10 reps

Lat Pulldown – 10 sets / 10 reps

Straight Arm Pulldown – 3 sets / 15 reps

Crunch – 10 sets / 10 reps

Torso Rotation – 3 sets / 15 reps

TUESDAY:

  • 45 Minutes Steady-State Cardio

Front Plank – 45 secs

V-Ups – 12 reps

Leg Lifts – 15 reps

Swiss Ball Jack Knife – 15 reps

Knee-to-Elbow Planks – 15 reps

Repeat 4-5 times 

WEDNESDAY:

  • 20 Minutes Interval Cardio (Running)

Dumbbell Squat – 10 sets / 10 reps

Leg Press – 3 sets / 10 reps

Leg Extension  – 3 sets / 15 reps

Leg Curl – 3 sets / 15 reps

Tricep Pushdown – 10 sets / 10 reps

Tricep Kickbacks – 3 sets / 15 reps

THURSDAY:

  • 45 Minutes Steady-State Cardio

V-Up paired with Bicycle Crunches – 15 sets / 30 seconds each, 30 seconds rest

FRIDAY:

  • 20 Minutes Interval Cardio (Running)

Dumbbell Shoulder Press – 10 sets / 10 reps

Dumbbell Side Raise / V-Raise / Front Raise Combo – 3 sets / 15 reps

Barbell Upright Row – 10 sets / 10 reps

Dumbbell Bicep Curl  – 10 sets / 10 reps

Barbell Close-Grip Curl – 3 sets / 15 reps

SATURDAY:

  • 45 Minutes Steady-State Cardio

100 Crunches

20 Double Crunch

30 Second Plank

100 Heel Touches

20 Double Crunch

30 Second Plank

100 Torso Twist

20 Double Crunch

30 Second Plank

100 Flutter Kicks

20 Double Crunch

30 Second Plank

Back to Top

The sound of crickets…

It’s been silent around here.

No kidding, right? Life sometimes goes too fast and something always falls behind. Plus I feel like I have nothing to important to say.

I’ve been focusing on other things, sorry.

First, I’ve been going to to gym. I spend an average 2.5 hours there a day, and I have fun! I never thought! But I have great workout friends. Everyday we are always laughing at something. Endorphins are great. It makes me happy and I really enjoy this new routine I have. And I am feeling better about myself. I’m getting back into running too, which I absolutely am loving! We work really hard. So hard, most days I leave the gym shaking from exhaustion. Today was arm day and for awhile I could barely hold my protein shake afterwards. Haha! I love seeing the changes in my body too! I like to show off my new-found muscles to Nick.

Work has picked up. It’s exciting but at the same time it’s a little overwhelming. Learning something new is always challenging and a process, and I just have to remember that. Facebook, Google+, Twitter, Pinterest, and blogs. Link-building, link-building and link-building. We have a new product now that we are trying to get the word out. It’s our new Olympus horizontal bar railing. It’s pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. It makes work exciting and easy when you’re passionate about something. I can’t wait to own a house one day so I can install a Clearview® Railing System!

Hopefully another month won’t go by again like October…. 😀 See you soon!

Back to Top